duckhunter: (I've Done Things)
I was asked to make a photo ID of our new CEO. However, I hadn't gotten any picture of him...

So I went to his website and looked at his bio. It included a piece of art that resembled him rather than a photo.

So... I just made him a badge with that.

I figure it's best that New CEO knows exactly what he's in for.

-DH
duckhunter: (Half Ass)
My real niece recently friended me on Facebook. Here is a sample of a post by her...

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Now, I will cut her some slack as she didn't have nearly the computercentric background as one of my 'fake' nieces.

Here is a random FB post from a 'fake' niece...

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Take a look at both entries.

Let's look at educational levels:

ME: High School Graduate, some college. Age 42
REAL-NIECE: High school dropout, but with GED. Age 26
FAKE-NIECE: High school Sophmore. Age 15

GAH!

I know that I'm an old fart who used 'archie' and 'gopher' and 'finger'. And I know I'm a better writer than about... oh... say seventy percent of the United States.

But, geez... It just drives me CRAZY when people write like my flesh-and-blood niece when a (much younger) fake niece can still be 'hep' and still communicate clearly..

And don't get me started on capitalization...

-DH
duckhunter: (Default)
Of course, this week is purely hellish, with boatloads of catered meetings, and several instances of room remodeling/repurposing going on, we have to have something else break. Because, y'know, getting home at 8PM is really overrated...

Folks,

As some of you have noticed (and two people have reported), the outside door over by the HR/Accounting area is hanging up in a most peculiar manner, and not closing correctly.

Now, this isn’t a 'Violent carnivorous 1991 Hyundai Excel chasing you down the hallway while Tim Burton laughs and shouts, "RUN, MY SWEET MEAT-PUPPET, RUN!"' sort of peculiar. Just the sort of 'Well, crap' peculiar.

I have called service to make the door less peculiar, but in the meantime, will the fine folks who use the door on a regular basic make sure the door closes correctly. Just pull the bar until it latches if you’re coming in, or make sure you push the door closed if you’re going out.

Thank you.


Geez. I figure the plumbing is going to go next...

-DH

UPDATE - Eyup. Someone just turned their rectum into a claymore mine. Goddamnit.
duckhunter: (Promise of Ass)
One of my pals on IM had this to say about yesterday's post...

"One of these days, you're going to find someone with your lack of boundaries and no fear of escallation. It is going to be really awkward when you finish having sex. :p"

Actually, I've backed down before. At least three times I can recall. I do actually have a healthy sense of self - both interest and sexuality - to know when to pull the Eject Cord...

Quit laughing.

-DH
duckhunter: (Man Stick)
About an hour ago, I was searching for the gal from IT who does all the ordering, as she had about 10 laptops show up for shipping.

I caught her at the front desk, where she was chatting the the receiptionist and the Day Porter.

"I got nine Apples and an HP for you. Where do you want them?"

Before she could answer, the IT Guy (who happens to also by my New Temporary Roomie) shouts from down the hall, "MY BABIES!"

Receptionist looks puzzled, "[Duckhunter] is your baby?"

"Nah, we just live together." NTR/IT Guy sidles up next to me and puts his arm around my shoulders. I put my arm around his waist. We pose. Laughter ensues.

Now, NTR/IT Guy is skinny. Scary skinny. Nearly heroin skinny. If he were a woman, all the women in the world would hate him for being so damn skinny. He's just one of those people who burns *ALL* the calories.

I tell you this to give you context for what's coming next.

"Don't worry. I'm the bottom, so he doesn't get hurt."

The laughter turns into gasps of disbelief. NTR/IT Guy releases me and begins some comical retching spasms. He runs away, along with Day Porter.

I just turn to the Receiptionist, "He hasn't known me that long. He needed to learn sooner or later." I then walk away to deliver computers.

I feel strangely fulfilled now...

-DH
duckhunter: (AnimeBoo)
So, as filthy as it makes me feel, I'm going to come right out and admit it.

I have a FaceBook account.



Anyway, the primary reason I have this is the ONE SET OF FRIENDS WHO ONLY PUTS PHOTOS ON FACEBOOK! I love them dearly, but I really want to set them on fire as well.

I think I may have 23 friends on FaceBook. I don't use it except to see my friend's pics, to put up brief twitter-like links and observations maybe once or twice a week. I do like a picture or post from time to time, but it's not a major communication portal with me.

Which leads me to this...

Out of the 23 people on my friends list, I have met and interacted with all of them in real life. Except one.

This person is a recent addition to my extended non-related family (The kids all call me Uncle). I haven't had a chance to visit since she moved in, but she still friended me because of the family, and vice-versa.

However, a post today has cleared up any doubt whatsoever that she is family:

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Eyup. That's family, alright.

Welcome aboard, niece.

-DH
duckhunter: (HuntedDuck)
Yay! More e-mail joy for a Friday!

Folks,

The lighting issues in [Large Conference Rooms] have been solved.*

So, now when people ask me if the lights are working in Boulder, I can say, “Yes.”**

If you have any questions, please send them on down. ***

-Duckhunter





Disclaimers:

* - Actually, we’ve got some loaner parts in the system to make it work pending the long term repair of our parts. For the end user, yeah, it’s pretty much fixed. However, this statement isn’t actually 100% accurate.

** - I already made a promise to myself that I would physically attack the next person who asked me if the lights were fixed. Thankfully for myself and my parole officer, this did not come to pass.

*** - I reserve the right to ignore all questions. Questions are handled on a purely arbitrary basis set on a fluctuating standard that may or may not be based on one of the following: Weather patterns, serotonin levels, Greenpeace, high blood counts in my caffeine system, [Boss] lording over me with a large blunt instrument, agrarian revolt, whim, high winds, Mega Million Lottery winnings and blurry vision. If you expect an answer for longer than four hours, please see a physician immediately. This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA, and most likely never will. Your mileage will almost certainly vary. Do not taunt Happy Fun Duckhunter, as that act may be the tipping point which causes him to lose all hints of western civilized behavior and go full ‘Lord of The Flies’ on you. You do not want to see Duckhunter wearing nothing but a tribal body paint. His roommate did once, and the therapy hasn’t been going well for him.


That was very cathartic.

-DH
duckhunter: (Harley)
Last night, our trivia group had an 'informal' meeting at the Old Chicago on South Wadsworth. We actually did a fair amount of ass-kicking at the games (One of the premium games was about The Hunger Games, of which I finished the trilogy of last Tuesday.)

During our...er.. nearly 4 hour stay there, we had a kick-ass little waitress that was about five-foot-nuthin' and CUTE AS ALL HELL. She took care of us but goooood.

And then, while she was handing me my iced tea, I noticed the ink on her arm, and was even MORE floored.

At the end of the day, I got her permission to take a picture of the tattoo:


Clicky Piccy for full sized ROBOTS IN DISGUISE


The quality of the pic isn't the best. Taken in a bar on my way out the door, this doesn't do it justice.

But, damn.

(How do I know she's taken? Her boyfriend stopped by. :( )

-DH
duckhunter: (Goofy Peanut)
Early last week, we took advantage of about 70% of the company being out at a trade show to clean out the fridges.

As you've seen by other posts, we do this twice a year, during these big trade shows. It allows us to get things cleaned with the minimum of whining and fuss.

We started sending out e-mails about three weeks before the trade show, and culminated in daily e-mails the last two days before the Great Purge, in order to make sure we don't get whiny people complaining when they get back from the trade show.

Yeah. Like that's ever going to happen.

So, I got an e-mail:

I clearly didn't pay enough attention. My food is gone. Doing the purge while a large number of us are out at a conference (and not intimately tied into reading our email regularly) makes it more likely that food we wanted to keep gets thrown.

I can't claim you didn't give us enough notice. As a casual/peripatetic freezer user I didn't pay enough attention.
Sad face.


The person then links a Sad Troll Face to close his post.

Of course, I couldn't let this stand:

Yes, but cleaning the fridges while everyone is at conference is the best time to do it, as the volume of people needing items refrigerated is substantially lower, and we can get in there and do a good job.

And, because I’m a callous person with no scrap of humanity left in me who feeds on the despair of others, please continue ignoring Facilities e-mails. Your sadness tastes like pop tarts. :)


Mmmmm. Pop tarts.

-DH
duckhunter: (Scenic)
"Freedom of speech is hard. It’s messy. Sometimes it’s ugly. But freedom of speech does not mean freedom from responsibility. Nor does freedom of speech obligate me to agree with your words, or to provide them with a platform." - Jim C. Hines

The original post if you want to read the whole thing.

-DH
duckhunter: (Wrong And Awesome)
Cleaning out my Hotmail spam, this address rather jumped out at me:

jigajogged.underivatively@horotelic.Edgar.forjudged.quadrisyllabous.masssort.com

Now, I need to find out just how one goes about getting 'jigajogged'....

-DH
duckhunter: (Default)
Today, I'm at home from work, because Boss doesn't want me to get stupid amounts of overtime. And, frankly, I was filling a bit... fried... lately, and I think it will be good.

Tomorrow, I go into work, but at least I should be able to get some work done.

Also, there is another reason to go in tomorrow...:

Folks,

Sorry about the Rolling Stones reference, but I wanted to let you know that there will be a lot of things painted black this weekend within the building.

Tomorrow, Folks from Sun Construction and Quality Painting will be in the building to repaint the rails in the main stairwell. What this means for y'all is that the main stairs will be off limits for a few hours, and you'll have to use the elevator or the side stairs to locomote yourselves betwixt the floors.

Since it's Saturday, there shouldn't be a whole lot of you here, but, hey, you've been warned.

Since we're going to have painters in the building simply
dripping with black paint, we are also going to take advantage to have a few of the worst-worn door frames in the building painted as well. While a good portion of these are going to be in public areas, we will be painting a few of the frames in private offices.

Since today is my Saturday and tomorrow is my Friday, I will send out an e-mail in an hour or two to the office dwellers affected. For right now, I'm going to put on my SpiderMan Underoos and head out to the living room to watch Thundarr the Barbarian and eat Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs.


Now, I guess I should hunt down some lunch or something. This whole 'working from home' thing still kinda weirds me out.

-DH
duckhunter: (OmniAss)
On Monday, we had the A/V repair guy out to look at our largest conference room(s). We were having some freakish feedback issues.

Basically, the feedback was caused when the sound processor picked up a couple of random bits from a 'non-optimal power event' (which, I feel, would make a *great* term for premature ejactulation), and was broadcasting a surround sound stereo signal through one-half of the rooms PA speakers.

Whee.

He flashed and reprogrammed the processor, but when he was making sure all the inputs and outputs where inputting and outputting correctly, he found out something else. When the two rooms were joined and the VCR input (presently used for our cable box) were used, a local NPR station would come out of the speakers... in half the room... rather than the cable box sound.

After about 2 hours of wailing and gnashing, he found out that random buttons were punched on the Denon receiver, causing inputs to be completely messed up. This, too, was fixed.

So, of course... e-mail resulted:

Folks,
Good News: Our A/V Repair demigod has come and gone, and the sound weirdness has gone. Well, at least it hasn’t come back after nearly two hours of testing.

Neutral News: The main problem was an unspeakable act on the account of the Lords Of Entropy – A few random bits dropped from the programming causing the issues. So… NO ONE IS AT FAULT! Huzzah!!

However…

No, wait. I can’t go there.

Since I have been ordered by [Boss] to… well… not point fingers and threaten/yell at anyone, I won’t. I will take deep, cleansing breaths and I will think happy Unicorn thoughts…..

(Click here to see the picture attached to the e-mail. Worksafe, although other art by Mr. Jackson is most assuredly not. You have been warned.)

Ahhhh. I do feel better.

So, I would like to take this happy moment to ask you all to not mess with any buttons, dials, or wiring that is inside the closets of the Boulder rooms. The unicorns will thank you.


In closing, I would like to go back a bit to a conversation the A/V dude and I had before he started working.

A/V DUDE: "Well, usually something like this doesn't just happen. Usually, something get programmed, or someone just changes inputs at random. Is there anyone here who would do that?"

ME: [eyeroll] "This is a building that is filled, quite literally, with engineers from nearly every stripe and discipline. Yes, we even have a couple of folks with civil engineering degrees. It's a f***ing miracle that I don't come in every morning and find cyborg mice created from left-over cable modems running around dragging CAT5 from place to place."

A/V DUDE: "Ah. I feel ya."

-DH
duckhunter: (FrazzleBunny)
So, when I came in the next day, one of my co-workers said that we had a door that wasn't closing correctly. Now, especially that time of day, we sometimes have presure issues that sometime keep the doors open. However, I am a good a dillegent cog in our mighty corporate machine, so I went down to check it out.

Holy crap. I spent a good half-hour doing some emergency repairs to door so it would lock. The header of the frame was hanging on, litterally, by the wiring on the mag-lock. After getting it basically together, I went back to my desk, locked the door out of the access system, and sent out the following e-mail:

Folks,
Due to the fantabulous springtime weather yesterday, it seems that the single door on the southeast side of the building (the Lab exit door) has been assaulted, battered, assaulted again, and then left in the door frame for dead.

Because there is a good chance that this door is not entirely safe for normal use, I have locked the door down and rendered any access (outside and in) unavailable.

Now, in case of an emergency, the door will still unlock to allow egress. So if that retrovirus I planted in the Certification Lab ever actually takes hold, you will still be able to escape the zombie engineer apocalypse.

And fires. It’s generally a good idea to run from fires as well.

Now, I know I work with a metric boatload of smart people. And I can see those smart people thinking, “Hey, there’s an emergency exit release by that door. I can use that to go home.”

One word. Don’t.

In spite of my casual wit and general load o’ lackadaisy, I’m completely serious when I tell you the door is pretty messed up, and parts just might fall from the upper part of the frame if it is used. I don’t lock things down like this unless I’m convinced that there is a serious issue. And it’s freaking serious.

We have the door people coming this morning to try to repair the door back to safe usefulness and to fully evaluate the door to see if it can be saved. I will post updates as I get them.

One more time – say it with me – DON’T USE THE SOUTHEAST DOOR! That is your mantra this fine day.


Of course, the door people made a liar out of me. After telling me they'd be there before 10AM, I actually got a very apologetic phone call from the door company about 3PM. For some silly reason, there seemed to be a lot of broken doors that couldn't be secured (as mine was), so they foolishly decided to help the people who couldn't get thier doors closed at all. Silly repair people.

However, they were as good as thier word the next morning. They got it fixed, and I was able to send out the following e-mail:

Folks,
The door has been cobbled and de-hobbled, so you may use it as freely as you like.

Well, not TOO freely. It’s not THAT kind of door.


So... how was your week? ;)

-DH
duckhunter: (Half Ass)
Last week, We had some tiny gusts of wind. So, as usual, I had to send out an e-mail.

Folks,
As you may have noticed by now, the wind speed outside is somewhere between ‘Wow!’ and ‘Witness The Miracle Of Unaided Flight’, with gusts hitting well into the ‘$#&@($&’ range.

Because of this, please be especially careful with car doors. If you feed cars with your blood, it never ends well. I point to the book/movie ‘Christine’ to prove my point.

Also, and I’m putting the blame squarely on Daniel Bernoulli since he explained it, the pressure differential between the building and the outside world will be all wonky. Some doors may be nearly impossible to open, while other doors may not close all the way without a little help.

So, in the interest of security, please make sure that any secure door you use this evening closes and locks.

Thank you. Enjoy your flights.


I was done, but tomorrow would hold more entertainment for me....

-DH
duckhunter: (Kitty Scared)
Lord, last week was e-mail hell, so I'm going to have to break it up a bit.

This one has a lot of reply threads with a co-worker, so it will be the longest.

Click here for full disclosure... )
duckhunter: (GURPS)
Well, Today will be GenghisCon prep until this evening, when the con actually starts.

So, I put on my out-of-office message on my work e-mail:

I will be [company]-Deficent on Thursday, February 16th and Friday, February 17th. I will be checking e-mail frequently, but may not act quickly or effectively. I will also be filled with a lackadaisical, carefree attutude that will almost certainly mean I will ignore a good portions of my e-mails until I return on Tuesday, February 21st, irregardless of how often I actually check e-mail.

Please contact [Boss] for most of your Facilities needs. If she is unavailable, please contact [Day Porter].

Other than that - leave a message, and I'll get back to you when I can. Or when I feel like it. Whatever.


More updates as events warrant.

-DH
duckhunter: (Boo-Puzzled)
After getting out of Trivia tonight (and hitting the nine degree air), I was suddenly filled with the need to get my bladder unfilled.

There was a McDonald's on the way home fairly close, so we stopped there.

After Nature's Call was answered, Roomie and I went to the front counter and ordered something (I hate using a restroom in a c-store/restaurant without buying anything - It's a guilt thing).

While waiting for my order, Roomie was looking at the menu. "Hey, they have fappés."

"Er. Don't you mean frappés?"

"I know what I said."

I looked at Roomie with the stink-eye. He just said, "Mmmmm, creamy."

Thus began a slew of badness from both of us:

"That explains all the hissing noises the machine is making."
"We need an expresso fappé! Give the porno to José, stat!"
"No, I don't WANT you to draw a leaf in it, thanks!"

We left the MickeyD's quickly, leaving behind only confusion and puzzlement. Hail Eris.

-DH
duckhunter: (Mr Crotch)
We finally got a halfway worth-while blizzard in Denver (and I continued my unbeaten streak of showing up to work on days we close).

On the way home from work yesterday, in a break from the storm, I got a horrible urge for hot chocolate.

But it went a couple of steps past that. I wanted real hot chocolate. Not some pansy-assed powder mixed with a hot liquid.

THe problem was... I've never made it. However, after watching a bunch of my cooking shows dealing with chocolate, I figured I could wing it.

So wing I did.

I picked up a package of Ghirardelli 60% Cacao Bittersweet Chips, as well as a package of Reeses' Peanut Butter Chips, a quart of heavy whipping cream, and a cheapoid package of store brand mini-marshmallows.

I got home and realized... I don't have a double-boiler. Also, I don't have anything to *make* a double-boiler. Dammit.

So, I thought it through. The whole point of a double-boiler is to keep a constant temperature that will never go higher than the boiling point of water.

Hmmm. If only I had a kitchen appliance that would maintain a given temperature...

Aha! The oven! So dug out my only piece of high-end cookware and set the oven to 190.

Inside the pot, I put both packages of chips. Remembering that you need a bit of fat in order to keep chocolate smooth when melting, I put in a quarter-cup of unsalted butter. Wanting to as a bit more sweet without adding granulated sugar, I also put in about a half-cup of the marshmallows.

Put the lid on and shoved it in the oven.

At first, I was checking it about every three minutes. This got old after the third time, so I decided to trust my oven to not catch on fire or burn the chocolate, and stayed out of the kitchen for a half hour.

What I had was a thick, glorious chocolate foundue after I wisked it throughly. I dumped in a tablespoon or so of vanilla. I don't know why, but if you ever really want to make the taste of chocolate POP, you use vanilla. This is why they used a vanilla sauce for chocolate soufles.

Next, I wisked about a third of the heavy cream, and then put it back in the oven to reach temperature. After 10 minutes or so, I wisked the second third, and 10 minutes after that, the final third.

What I had after that was something you could drink, but it was so thick, rich, and heavy, you wouldn't want to drink much. So I added another quart and a half-ish of the 1% milk we have.

I wisked the new mixture, turned the heat up to about 200(212 is the boiling point for water at sea level, and it's 201-ish at the altitude I live at) and left it in the oven between servings.

It was still pretty damn rich. Roomie and I each only had one huge mug, about 16-18 ounces.

I tried saving it, and this morning in the fridge, the drink's consistancy was somewhere between pudding and motor oil. However, I was also an idiot and didn't pour it in a shallow pan for proper cooling - I just put it in a pitcher, so the outside cooled quickly, and the inside stayed hotter longer, and curdled. :( I really do know better, but I certainly wasn't thinking.

Thoughts:
- It was pretty pricy for two large mugs. This is definately something I'd only make for a larger group of folks.
- I used the peanut butter chips to try to get a nutty thing going. This was a complete failure. The super-heavy bittersweet chocolate pretty much pwned the flavor, so the PB chips just added some sweetness to it.
- I'd like to try some different types of chocolate. I suppose I should do some research.
- I also had another thought. Instead of butter, you could use a pepper-infused olive oil and get a little bit of xocolātl action going. I suppose you could also mix just about any finely ground spice if you wanted to. The idea of Garlic Hot Chocolate kinda makes me go "Hmmm."
- Also had another thought. I might try the above steps up to the adding of the dairy, and see how it keeps. That way, I could just take out a spoonful or two, stir it into hot milk, and have it as needed.

All and all, I rate my experiment as a success. Now, later today, I'm making some Beer-cheese soup. And, no, I don't have a recipe for this, either. Just going to start tossing stuff around the kitchen and see what comes out. :)

-DH
duckhunter: (Accordion Fun)
Since [personal profile] nimirpard did this questionaire, and said he liked to read other people's questionaires... Click here to read the whole thing.... )
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